Dad Jokes

[Jockstrapguy]

Got any good Dad jokes or even some bad ones? Post them here.

Here's a start:

 

[BillyC]

Dad jokes are how eye roll!

 

[engjock]

A non-political political joke that’s slightly out of date:
I’ve just heard that the Canadian Prime Minister has retired. However, because of the rise of fake news, I’m not sure if it’s Trudeau.
If it is, he resigned Justin time, because he apparently got fed up with a namesake predecessor’s ghost apparently Pierreing over his shoulder.

 

[engjock]

Dad jokes are how eye roll!

Puns and Limericks are two of my favourite methods of telling joke. They’re short and to the point.

 

[ScottTheJockGuy]

I was at the zoo the other day, when I saw a baguette in a cage. The zoo keeper said it was bread in captivity.

 

[Autobear76]

I'm afraid for the calendar. It's days are numbered.

 

[CCGuy]

 

[BillyC]

View attachment 130414

This isn’t a joke. I remember my dad’s joke about the German word for jockstrap: Holdzemfrumfloppen.

 

[engjock]

This isn’t a joke. I remember my dad’s joke about the German word for jockstrap: Holdzemfrumfloppen.

Not only is that definitely a Dad’s joke, @BillyC, it’s also a definite eye roll, but I like it!

 

[engjock]

There’s the puns and now for that other brilliant joke telling bit of word play, the limerick:
A mosquito was heard to complain
A scientist had ruined its brain.
The cause of his sorrow was paradichloro
Diphenyltrichloroethane.
(I’m sure that any chemist that’s also a member will recognise that paradichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane is the chemical name for DDT).
Whoever recognised that if would fit the limerick meter, was a genius.
I also put a sneering science teacher at my last school in his place, by repeating that limerick after he had denigrated all poetry as ‘namby pamby and didn’t say anything useful.‘
His colleagues killed themselves laughing at the limerick as well as the look on his face! I also suggested that he could use it as a memory jog for any student who couldn’t remember the scentifici name for DDT.

 

[ScottTheJockGuy]

I liked to tell dad jokes. He used to laugh at them.

 

[n2jocks]

This isn’t a joke. I remember my dad’s joke about the German word for jockstrap: Holdzemfrumfloppen.

I love this!

 

[packedstrap]

Q: Why can’t a leopard hide?

A: Because he’s always spotted.

 

[packedstrap]

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?

A: Spoiled milk!

 

[packedstrap]

Q: What did Mars ask Saturn?

A: “Hey, why don’t you give me a ring some time?”

 

[BillyC]

OMG Why isn’t there a GROAN emoji?

 

[engjock]

And then for anyone who doesn’t know about Penguin biscuits which are sold in the UK and always have a pun on the individual biscuit wrapper:

Q: Why is the penguin popular?
A: Because he’s an ice guy.

Q: How does a penguin build his house?
A: Igloos it together.

Q: Why can’t penguins play football (soccer)?
A: Because there’s no ball.

There’s plenty more, but this one’s my favourite
Q: Why did the penguin tell a joke?
A: Just for the halibut.

 

[BillyC]

And then for anyone who doesn’t know about Penguin biscuits which are sold in the UK and always have a pun on the individual biscuit wrapper:

Q: Why is the penguin popular?
A: Because he’s an ice guy.

Q: How does a penguin build his house?
A: Igloos it together.

Q: Why can’t penguins play football (soccer)?
A: Because there’s no ball.

There’s plenty more, but this one’s my favourite
Q: Why did the penguin tell a joke?
A: Just for the halibut.

Oh my I really need that groan emoji!

 

[engjock]

Oh my I really need that groan emoji!

I’ve got plenty more of them if you want BillyC…

 

[Charles]

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

The hippo weighs a ton.
The zippo is a little lighter.

 

[engjock]

A thinking man’s Dad Joke and apologies if you’ve seen this one doing the rounds on social media recently:

A horse walks into a pub (bar), orders a pint of beer, drinks it and orders another one. He finishes that one and orders a third pint.
The landlord looks at the horse and says to him, ‘Excuse me sir, but you’ve done thi several times this week. Do you think that yo could be an alcoholic?’
The horse replies, ‘I don’t think I am.’ and immediately vanishes from existence.

This joke is a riff on the French philosopher Descartes famous philosophical saying, ‘ I think therefore I am.’

However, if I’d told you that before the joke, I would have put Descartes before the horse.

 

[BillyC]

A thinking man’s Dad Joke and apologies if you’ve seen this one doing the rounds on social media recently:

A horse walks into a pub (bar), orders a pint of beer, drinks it and orders another one. He finishes that one and orders a third pint.
The landlord looks at the horse and says to him, ‘Excuse me sir, but you’ve done thi several times this week. Do you think that yo could be an alcoholic?’
The horse replies, ‘I don’t think I am.’ and immediately vanishes from existence.

This joke is a riff on the French philosopher Descartes famous philosophical saying, ‘ I think therefore I am.’

However, if I’d told you that before the joke, I would have put Descartes before the horse.

But . . . is this really a dad joke?

 

[engjock]

But . . . is this really a dad joke?

Well it’s either that or back to the Penguin jokes…